We Wish you a Bloody Christmas

We wish you a bloody Christams

We wish you a bloody Christmas; 

We wish you a bloody Christmas;

We wish you a bloody Christmas and a crappy New Year.

Severed heads we bring as we slay your kin;

Severed heads for Christmas and a crappy New Year.

 

Oh, bring us the head of Santa;

Oh, bring us the head of Santa;

Oh, bring us the head of Santa and a cup of elves’ blood

 

 

We won’t go until we get some; 

We won’t go until we get some; 

We won’t go until we get some, so drain those elves here

 

We wish you a bloody Christmas;

We wish you a bloody Christmas;

We wish you a bloody Christmas and a crappy New Year.

 

Jingle Bells

Santa’s feeling blue,

the reindeer are on strike,

they told Santa to

“take a fucking hike!”

 

Santa swore and screamed,

he was steaming drunk

then he hit on the elf girls

‘cos he thinks he’s a hunk.

 

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Santa’s crashed again.

He got another DUI

and blamed it on green men.

Oh jingle bells, jingle bells,

the cops took him away.

They slapped the cuffs on that old git

a hefty fine he had to pay.

 

Santa tried to flee

from the sleigh’s crash site.

“You can’t do this to me!

Not on Christmas night!

I’ll be taking names,

put you on my naughty list.”

Then he tackled the copper

stole the watch right off his wrist.

 

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

the aliens began to sob.

They were mad at Santa’s ways

then punched him in the gob.

Oh jingle bells, jingle bells,

Santa poked him in the eyes

he kicked him in the candy cane,

brought tears to his eyes.

 

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Santa tied them with a bow.

He made off in the cop car

shouting “yo ho ho ho ho!”

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