2.8 Hours Later

2.8 Hours Later Asylum

Zoe, Neen & Lynx ready to do battle

Last night the Zombie Apocalypse hit Cardiff. A group of survivors gathered in the NCP car park on Dumfries Place and out of these survivors, a crack team was formed – horror writers C L Raven, Tiger Bay Brawlers Neen and Zoe Wilder, Gimpic medallist Hannah Hunter, Superman’s alter-ego, Rich Bundy, zombie enthusiast Mike Morton and zombie bait, Ryan Ashcroft. Little did the boys know, they were purely there to be sacrificed. Especially after Ryan realised he had left his bag of supplies in the car. And they thought we’d invited them along for the company.

The city was the second safest in the UK. Survival rates in Newport were only 2 %, but nobody goes to Newport anyway. We were sanitised, given maps and told to head to the Welfare Office by St. Andrews Church. Our nerves were strung tighter than guitar strings, our senses on high alert as we slipped out of the car park and headed for St. Andrews. Every car, wall or bin was a potential zombie hiding place. We gave paranoia a bad name. We hadn’t even left our first road when Rich was hobbled by a stone in his shoe. We had our first dilemma – wait and protect him or leave him for the zombies. The group went ahead. We stayed back, Lynx filming, Cat wielding her crutch like a club. We all survived. We reached the Welfare Office didn’t encounter a single zombie, but we hit a snag. We didn’t have the required documents to enter the city.

2.8 Hours Later Asylum

our map

We were now illegals.

2.8 Hours Later Asylum

Cardiff Castle

And we had to make it to the castle. This fell in with our plan, as we’ve always said that when the ZomPoc hits, we will take over Cardiff Castle. This was our chance. We were a bit suspicious when we queued with other survivors on the bridge. This was starting to feel like an ambush, that they were using our queuing mentality against us. After a while, we were at the front of the slaughter queue. We hurried up the stairs to the long passage. Having been here on Halloween events, we knew there were alcoves, where hungry zombies could hide. We crept along the passage, seeking the zombies. We met a doctor outside the air raid tunnels, who told us we had to find Major Ray to get our documents. As we passed her, the patients on the beds groaned. We fled.

2.8 Hours Later Asylum

the air raid tunnels

Major Ray was apparently holed up in Knox Road car park by the jail. We headed down Queen Street. Mike ran on ahead, not to scout for zombies, but to visit Burger King. He soon returned with dreadful news – the zombies were outside Burger King. And Queen Street was full of shoppers. We spied the first zombie on the left and darted right – towards another zombie. The team separated as we all tried avoiding the zombies and shoppers. We might all have been friends but as soon as the threat of zombies hit, it was every person for themselves. Think we all surprised ourselves with how willing we were to let each other be mauled. Lynx was able to use shoppers as cover and we all made it through unscathed. The shoppers stopped and stared as zombies lurched towards us and we ran through town’s busiest shopping street yelling “zombies!” Not once did we create mass panic.

We made it to Knox car park where Cat had her crutches confiscated. They must have taken one look at her crazed zombie-killing eyes and decided that leaving her with potential weapons was not a safe thing to do. Cat pointed to her strapped up knee and Lynx explained about her operation but health and safety intervened. Her only hope was adrenaline would mask the pain. In the car park, three zombies shuffled around, guarding supplies and the task was to grab the supplies. We sent the boys in. Being so tall, they were much quicker than the short arsed females in the team and we did say we would sacrifice them. They did us proud, grabbed the supplies and avoided getting bitten. Our strategy was working.

We headed off, passing a hotel which had a lot of pillars outside. Cat and Zoe headed right, discussing the possibility of zombies hiding amongst the pillars. Then Zoe leapt out, snarling. Ryan screamed and back peddalled, nearly trampling Lynx. Then it was on to John Street, where Major Ray was being detained by police officers and anyone caught associating with him would be quarantined. But we were illegals and obeying the police was not on our agenda. Major Ray escaped and gave us the co-ordinates to a van that would ferry us away. We got to the van to find the driver lying beside it with his guts spilling out. We told him he was on his own, but he had the co-ordinates to the next location. We had to help him. He needed his pills, which were in the back of the van. Guarded by zombies. But his guts were hanging out. He was beyond the help of Ibuprofen.

2.8 Hours Later Asylum

the van driver

None of the pills were in reaching distance of us short armed lot so again the boys were sent to fulfil the task, which they did. With the van out of action we had to make it to the asylum on foot, and found ourselves in a gated off area in the back streets. We had to squeeze through gates guarded by zombies then collect supplies whilst being chased by much quicker zombies.

Then we reached the Kill Zone.

Some people ran left, behind a wall. Rich, Ryan and Zoe ran right, behind parked cars. We realised this too late and ran straight down the middle of the road. Into a horde of zombies. Cat tried dodging an exceptionally fast male zombie but he cornered her by a van and marked her. Lynx saw her being grabbed and ran to save her, realising her mistake too late. He marked her too. Neen was marked by a female zombie and Hannah was cornered by 3 of them and mauled. We dodged the others and reached the asylum, to be told we needed to fetch medical supplies. Another group sent their infected back out. We sent the survivors out. Lynx went along to film and walked right through the zombies. Mike was marked during the hunt for medical supplies. They found the supplies and returned.

2.8 Hours Later Asylum


Then it on to the contamination tents. The survivors were herded into a fenced off area and those who’d been marked were scanned for infection. Mike was clean so joined the survivors. Us, Neen and Hannah were stamped as INFECTED. We were then taken into another tent and made into zombies. We had one request – “Lots of blood please.”

We moved into a warehouse for the zombie disco and got to pose for a photo. Us zombified ones stood behind our survivors, pretending to maul them. Zoe’s screaming, Mike is in Rich’s arms, and Ryan didn’t realise what was happening so is sitting front centre, beaming and showing off his SURVIVOR stamp. We still can’t believe he survived. 😀

We asked one of the workers for Cat’s crutches as she was now paying the price for running. The guy phoned someone and said they’d arrive in half an hour then he said to Cat “Apparently you have some really cool dinosaur stickers.” Cat “Yes I have.” 🙂 She’d decorated her crutches with Halloween and dinosaur stickers. The crutches eventually arrived about 11:30 so we all left. We must’ve looked a right sight – a zombie with a video camera, another zombie on crutches. But we made it home without anyone else getting bitten.

One word of advice – if the zombie apocalypse hits Cardiff for real, do not form allegiance with our group. We will sacrifice you to save ourselves. This trial run has shown us how ruthless we all are. We may all be lovely, fun people, but we are also programmed to survive, and if that means tossing you into a zombie’s path, last night proved we will do it. But the effects of being zombies seems to have worn off.

Except we now have a sudden urge to chase down screaming pedestrians…

2.8 Hours Later Asylum

Zombie apocalypse

Zombie Apocalypse

Howdy moreish brains! Your favourite zombie, Scott here. Wow, finally it’s sunny. I love the sun, even if Vincent tells me a zombie dead or a zombie sunbathing smell the same. Personally I think he’s jealous because I’m a rare, fully functioning zombie, he’s just a vampire. He’s like a Ford Fiesta – so common no-one notices them any more so they bring out a new model but underneath it’s still a Fiesta. I’m kinda like a panda – beautiful, endangered and unable to breed to save my species. I hope I’m not captured and put in a zoo so people can perv on me during the mating season. I may be able to walk, talk and still look in ripped jeans and one of my many zombie slogan t-shirts but I can’t undo knots or…breed to save my species.

Anyhoo, this talk of the Zombie Apocalypse has me worried. Dec 22nd 2012 is the proposed date. By then I’ll be a famous film star. Surely humans aren’t going to double tap a celebrity? Oh wait, if Justin Bieber crosses my path…In a way I’m looking forwards to the Zombie Apocalypse because for once I’ll be able to hunt out in the open instead of hiding in bushes like a pervert setting traps. But my food supply will be seriously diminished. The reans (reanimated dead) are just going to devour anyone they encounter. You know I only eat creative brains. I don’t want to be stuck with reality TV stars and footballers! I have more creativity in my left eye. It moves independently and can even perform a Dirty Dancing routine. Thing is, in their panic, humans might not realise it’s me and might shoot or bludgeon me thinking I’m just a rampaging rean. That would be really unfair. I don’t deserve to die like that. I deserve to be worshipped, to have a state funeral with lots of televised sobbing and a twenty one gun salute.

Plus people know about the Zombie Apocalypse so are preparing for it, probably drawing up action plans, storing food and gathering weapons. Instead of fire drills, schools will be doing Zombie Apocalypse drills. The Government will be printing out information leaflets to deliver door to door like they did with the swine flu. Though unlike that over hyped disappointment, the Zombie Apocalypse will actually be worth terrifying the country over. Even my Necromancers are preparing for it, eyeing their swords in a way that makes my stomach go quivery and stashing the cupboard full of Red Bull. Oh hang on, no that’s just their week’s supply. If I cut them open, their blood would be brownish red and fizzy. So with all these preparations under way, it’s actually going to be hard to get a decent meal and frighten survivors. I’m just going to have to blend in with them, gain their trust then WHAM! Smack ’em over the head with Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and eat their brain over the camp fire they’ve prepared. I like eating outdoors, it adds a woody tangy flavour to the brain.

Ooh, gotta go, a delivery guy’s just arrived with my latest order – new zombie slogan t-shirts. I figured I’ll continue to promote zombies as a force of good so people start trusting us then when Dec 22nd 2012 arrives they’ll let me into their safe house, fearing for my safety. Oh my god, it’s going to be like a Christmas feast. I’d better buy some bigger jeans 😉

Scott x