Mortal Punch

Sucker Kombat

On Saturday we were able to attend our first fancy dress party that wasn’t thrown by us. Ryan’s brother, Trevor, was turning 40. We’d already got our costumes – Sucker Punch girls. Cat was Blondie, Lynx was Sweet Pea. Yes, we know the film wasn’t that popular, but we don’t care. We love it. And the costumes are super cool. Ryan didn’t have a costume, so we had to go back to our favourite costume shop – Dunbars in Caerphilly.  They’re great in there. When we went, they didn’t have the Sucker Punch costumes in the shop, so went to the warehouse to fetch them for us. Ryan eventually picked Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat. It was surprisingly painless, considering if he didn’t find a costume, he was kinda screwed.

Then we had to get a present. On the day we were going. Don’t ask. The only reason Ryan had a card for his brother, is because we bought it. So we ended up traipsing to Cardiff town. Which we normally avoid like the plague. Especially on a Saturday. Luckily we only had to go to a couple of shops before finding something – a Lego Technic Jeep. We loved Lego as kids – still do, though it’s freakin’ expensive.

We got home with an hour and a half left to get ready and leave. The party was in Llandrindod Wells, which is an hour and a half away on a good day with no traffic. We were taking two cars because Ryan was staying over and we were coming home. We can’t sleep in strange places and we wanted to drive the Brecon roads at night. We loaded our Smart car, General Smarticus Pinkington (Pinky to his friends) and were about to leave. Pinky wouldn’t start. For the first time in five years. We were furious. Not only we were running late, but this would’ve been Pinky’s first ever long distance road trip. The furthest he’s gone is Bridgend and we were looking forwards to taking him through Brecon. The whole street probably heard our meltdown, but there was nothing we could do. We had to take our mum’s Mini, Mickey. Who didn’t have enough petrol to get us home.

We had to go to the petrol station dressed in our Sucker Punch costumes.

We had no mishaps on the drive and even got there early. Which in a way was more annoying, because we would’ve had time to jump start Pinky. It was nice to finally meet the last of Ryan’s siblings. We had a great time and spent most of the evening plotting to sneak their dog, Smartie, into our cool bag and take him home. He was a small bundle of wiry cuteness.

At 11pm, some of the guest were heading to what’s called the rock park, to take photos. The three of us decided to tag along, but by the time we got our coats and Ryan took Smartie back inside (he was clearly trying to sneak off with us) the group had vanished. We’d been given directions, but it won’t surprise you to learn we got lost. So we were wandering the streets of Llandrindod Wells, dressed as the Sucker Punch girls and Sub Zero. One group of people passed us and we were all prepared for a verbal sparring when one of them said “glad to see someone’s got some fucking balls round here.” We were so pleased we didn’t have the heart to tell her we weren’t from round there. In the end, we had to ask a young family who were walking their baby to sleep, where this rock park was. If they thought our outfits strange, they didn’t say anything. They were really lovely and directed us to the park. It was ages away! If we’d known it was that far, we would’ve taken the car, especially as we were wearing three inch heels.

We followed their directions, got a little confused and ended up on a railway bridge in the pitch dark. We were told the rock park was well lit.

us in the pitch black rock park

There were no lights where we were, but at least that meant we couldn’t see how high we were. We retraced our steps and eventually found the steps the family had told us about. We went down them into the darkness and heard a stream (we couldn’t see it). Feeling apprehensive, we made our way to another railway bridge and went under it. Still no rock park and only one lamp. And no sign of the other group.

Then we heard this strange sound. Like an unearthly throaty noise. Even though we had swords with us, they were plastic and not suitable for fighting monsters. We got the hell out of there. As soon as we emerged into streetlighting, we took off our boots and walked back in our socks. We were stalked by a growling Staffordshire Bull Terrier, but luckily managed to lose it. Ryan didn’t fancy trying out our advice of lying on his back and submitting to the dog. We got back, expecting to see the other group, but we beat them. When they did return, we learned we were in the right place, we just had to go on a little further.

Like Cinderella, we left at midnight and yes, the Brecon roads are stunning in the day. But they’re a hell of a lot of fun at night. Just be careful you don’t end up in the valley that’s too dark to see…