Let the Games Begin!

the Gimpic Games at Merthyr Mawr sand dunes

Going for Gimpic Gold

The Gimpic Games have officially started. Even though we haven’t yet filmed our opening ceremony, mostly because we don’t have Danny Boyle’s budget. On Monday, us – Lynx from The Kingdom of the Blood Skulls and Cat from the Pirate Islands – and fellow Gimpians, Ryan from Jerkuanius and Rich from the United Pimping Regency banded together to form an elite team of athletes. Well, kind of. Ryan and Rich both nearly died on the sand dunes. Ryan from lack of fitness, Rich from forgetting his asthma pump & continuously face planting in the sand. We knew it was a going to be a good time when Cat forgot to bring Ryan’s trainers, forcing him to compete in his socks. Rich kindly gave up one of his shoes and the pair of them hopped all the way to the dunes like a couple of gimps.

The course was extended and much faster. Rich must’ve been practising on the sly because there’s no way someone who’s never sand dune sledged could be that fast. He thrashed everyone’s times by one or two seconds on each run. There was cheating galore as we got Rich to push us to give us faster times and when Cat pushed Ryan, he promptly tumbled out. Allegations of drugs cheating were banded around when Ryan beat Cat in the head to head race, despite losing every single time trial. Suspicious, doncha think?

sand dune sledging at Merthyr Mawr

the Hero takes a fall

There were injuries aplenty when Rich kept falling off the sledge and headbutted the flagpole in his desperate attempt to escape the 2 second time penalty for missing the flag. And there was a collision of epic proportions during Ryan and Rich’s head to head race as Rich tumbled out, Ryan thought he was home free until his sledge stopped, only for him to see Rich hurtling on his sledge towards him. Ryan frantically paddled forwards but it was too late. They collided and crashed over the finish line in a tangle of limbs and sledges. Cat discovered she’d dislocated a finger when we returned home. Ryan was nearly sick when she manipulated it back in. Ryan hurt his back copying Rich’s winning headfirst style then when imitating Baywatch with the red sledge, tripped, face planted and mysteriously hurt his man parts. Cat took a photo of his pain filled face as he clutched his crown jewels and admitted he was no Baywatch Babe.

sumo wrestling at Merthyr Mawr sand dunes

Cat and Ryan face off

Next up was sumo wrestling. Everything becomes instantly funnier when you’re wearing an inflatable sumo suit. We drew a ring on a flat surface at the very top of the sand dunes, donned our suits and wrestled our way to Gimpic glory. Cat proved to be a tiny dynamo as she beat Ryan in round one. Rich won round 2 by scooping Lynx up upside down, her little legs kicking like a beetle as he dumped her face down in the sand. The final was between Rich and Cat. Rich once again proved to be Gimpic champion and was presented with his medal and bouquet of wild flowers that he’d snapped off a nearby bush. We have a feeling those sumo suits WILL be making a return to the Gimpics…and a new event has been added – rubber ducky racing in the River Taff. There will be blood.

the Gimpic Games

gimping for gold

15 Comments

  1. Holy COW!!!!! I almost peed laughing as I pictured all these antics! Except the finger dislocation, ouch!!!! How horrible! I’m glad Cat was able to fix it! Keep up the fabulous, treacherous, and amazingly hilarious Gimpic Games!!!

    • LOL thanks. It was a lot of fun. Dislocated fingers are common round here – it doesn’t even hurt.

  2. LOVE Rich face planting! I kinda felt sorry for him, yet still giggle every time I look at the picture. πŸ˜€

    • LOL so do we! It looks just as good on film πŸ˜€

  3. That looks like pure insanity! And fun! πŸ˜€

    • oh it is! Hence it being called the Gimpics – it’s the Olympics for idiots πŸ˜€

  4. Oh that video is going to be GOOD!

    • yep πŸ˜€ Our sister and mum have seen it & laughed all the way through it. Our sister had tears in her eyes when watching the sumo wrestling πŸ˜€

  5. Awesome post! Can’t wait for the rest of the events. I think cycling and rowing events will be next….

    • and rubber ducky racing! (Must buy rubber duckies and pimp them up) Once we figure out how to cheat at cycling and rowing it’ll be Gimp on! Oh forgot to mention, your rowing event will take place in the Taff, on a tray with a spoon. Fun for all!

  6. OMG. Such a funny blog to read. It makes me feel part of it even though I wasn’t there.

  7. I am laughing so much that my dad is throwing weird glances at me πŸ˜€ I wish I could teletransport myself to the Gimpics and participate in them πŸ˜€

    • LOL! We’d love to have you in the Gimpics! It’s so annoying we live so far away!


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