Enter Sandman

The Gimpic Games

making winners out of losers

There is a fever sweeping the country. Olymp-no, wrong one. GIMPIC fever. It’s the most talked about thing since Red Bull announced they would be lifetime sponsors of C L Raven. Hang on, might have dreamed that one. Anyhoo, you can’t escape Gimpic Fever. It’s like a big gimpy tidal wave that’s blitzing your home town and drowning you in its infectious fun. Our evenings have been filled with archery and Nerf gun practise and a quick go of space hoppering before Ryan fell off and declared our pixie stature was an unfair advantage. Also it appears his big man hands are hampering his efforts with the child’s archery set. We offered to cut off his hands. He declined. Obviously not that dedicated to winning then.

Yesterday we decided to practise the sand dune sledge slalom. Merthry Mawr are the highest sand dunes in Wales. Yes, these are no ordinary dunes. These are epic. It started off well when a topless hotty was running up and down them continuously, giving us something lovely to focus on while we struggled our way to the top. After the second climb, we were knackered. After Ryan’s first climb, he collapsed at the top and we had to poke him to make sure he was still breathing as he was a very unhealthy shade of dead. 50 shades of dead perhaps. Had the worst happened, we might have had to sit on him and slalom him down for rescue. Luckily a twitching limb confirmed life.

Merthyr Mawr sand dunes

our sand dune sledge slalom

sledging down Merthyr Mawr

going for gold

The original course we plotted turned out to be a big fat failure. The sledge would not move under it’s own power. Disheartened that the event we were so excited about might not happen, we tried thinking of a solution. Then Ryan spotted a steeper part to the dune so we tried it. And sped down like tobogganing pros! The more we did it, the faster we got. And as predicted, a slight turn of the sledges had us crashing out and rolling like those riders in motorcross racing. Think of gymnasts doing tumbling routines in the floor exercises and that was us, except it was on sand, downhill and we weren’t wearing glittery leotards. (Though they might have been better than the skull trousers Lynx wore and the tight PVC trousers Cat wore). No bones were broken in the making of this historic fun. Then we learned you went faster and stayed in if once you hit your speed, you lay back. We were actually a little disappointed at the lack of tumbling this method created. We did time trials as instead of a slalom, this was to be our sprint course. After several attempts, Ryan’s fastest time was 12 seconds, Lynx’s was 11 seconds 52 and Cat was the undisputed champion with 10 seconds 31.

sand dune sledging

winning in style

If sand dune sledging doesn’t become an Olympic sport, something is seriously wrong. The good news is the chances of cutting yourself on the dunes is minimal. However the chances of broken bones, dislocations and and death are highly probable. Let the games begin!

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