The Gimpic Games

Forget being published and having our own ghost hunting show in Calamityville Horror, over the next couple of weeks, a certain event will be the greatest thing we’ve done. The Gimpic Games. Basically, Olympics for idiots. Us. We are SO excited about this. So excited, we keep laughing manically as we think up the next event. So far, events include space hopper racing, archery with children’s archery set, shooting with Nerf guns, piggy back obstacle course, timed obstacle course in a children’s playground, pillow shot putt, air hockey, arcade games, a floor routine and the canoe slalom, which involves rowing an ironing board down the stairs. That has caused controversy amongst the athletes as Ryan Ashcroft has deemed the event ‘too dangerous.’ Personally we think he’s worried he’ll lose as we used to toboggan down our twisty stairs in sleeping bags as kids. So instead we will be sledging down Merthyr Mawr’s sand dunes. Competitors come from all corners of the world, including the Pirate Islands, Kingdom of the Blood Skulls, Dragon Isles (formerly the Jerk Republic) and United Pimping Regency. Event organisers C L Raven had this to say when questioned about the safety of the games.

“The Gimpic Games will be heralded as the greatest sporting event in living memory. Injuries heal but the Gimpic Games live on. Sure someone might lost a finger or break a bone but sacrifices must be made for the greater glory. The pain of injury will vanish when that medal is placed around your neck. As long as no one dies, the event is considered a success. Health and safety is getting in the way of good clean fun.”


  1. sounds like marvelous fun!

  2. Too bad I don’t live closer! I’d love to at least watch! and gigglefits!

    • we will be filming so everyone can enjoy it 🙂

  3. I will be there to represent the United States of Fenland and I’m aiming to win, but my space hopper will be full of steriods…

  4. hilarious – have fun

  5. My guy says “Health and safety ALWAYS gets in the way of good clean fun” 😀

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