Go West. Actually, don’t.

The Diamond Jubilee completely ruined our ghost hunting plans as every location we wanted to go was hosting Jubilee events. In the end we managed to find two places that weren’t – Caldey Island and Tyneham, a ghost village in Dorset. We opted for Caldey. And lived to regret it. 5 HOURS it took us to get there because of the traffic. And when we eventually got to Tenby, we discovered you couldn’t park by the harbour and had to park in a multi storey car park – about 15/20 min walk from the harbour. Oh and it appears the people of Tenby are illiterate. That’s the only explanation we can think of for the extreme lack of sign posts. The harbour is not sign posted AT ALL. Neither is the pay desk for Caldey Island. Considering these are tourist places, this is beyond belief. We had to ask 2 people to direct us to the harbour. We reached the Caldey pay desk at 2:55. They closed at 3. Except they obviously can’t tell the time because they were already closed, leaving us and some other tourists pissed off. Actually, we were apoplectic. It had taken us five hours to get to a location only for them to close early. Oh and we had to endure constant staring, points, sniggers and abuse from the local Chavs that were crawling everywhere like cockroaches. Clearly they’re not used to seeing people who aren’t dressed in tracksuits and gold jewellery, and went into a complete meltdown as their tiny brains struggled to comprehend this.

Thoroughly pissed off, we had to make the long trek back to the car. Stopped off and bought some pirate flags to hang from the car windows in protest of all the Union Jack flags that were tainting the scenic views. Pirate flags flying proudly, we headed to Pembroke castle, where apparently people hear moans coming from beneath it. We think maybe this isn’t paranormal but the grunts of the local Chavs. As we were walking up to the castle we once again suffered abuse from another group of Chavs. One fat guy in a t-shirt and tracksuits bottoms shouted “what do you fucking look like? Fucking joke.” To which Cat replied “We look amazing. What do YOU look like? Fucking Chav.” Lynx responded “go fuck yourself with a sharp stick.” We apologise for our language but constant swearing is the Chav native tongue and the only words they’re able to communicate in. It’s completely incomprehensible why someone as ugly as him with such dire taste in clothes could DARE to criticise OUR clothing. Maybe he was so overcome with shame this was the only way he knew how to deal with it.

Pembroke castle is beautiful. And it has a dungeon! Which we only discovered when they were ringing the bell to throw everyone out. We refused to leave until we’d seen the dungeon and then got locked in the castle. Much to our dismay, they let us out. We did some EVP sessions in various places around the castle and at one point when we were asked for a name, in Welsh, the iOvilus said ‘Rodger.’ We’ve now discovered the castle was built by Roger of Montgomery in 1093. How cool is that?

As we left, a huge group of Chavs were sitting on the wall outside. They immediately started heckling us, shouting incoherent sentences that in the native Chav tongue was probably a chat up line. Y’know, like how cavemen would club women and drag them back to their cave. Maybe they were then confused as to why we weren’t swooning with barely controlled lust, like the Chav girls would’ve been. Then one of them asked if we’d take him to Hell. No thanks. We don’t allow scum in our Hell. Ryan was shocked and disgusted by the amount of abuse that was hurled at us. Unfortunately, we used to endure this every day for years which is why we became socialphobic. It doesn’t bother us any more. Clearly they thought we were celebrities. You know how inbred idiots get when faced with fabulous celebrities. They started grunting and throwing things like over excited cavemen. Unfortunately, Chavs are prolific breeders so are everywhere. The only way to stop this is with a neutering programme. Y’know, like with stray dogs. So while Pembroke castle was beautiful and we unfortunately didn’t have time to finish the castle, we will definitely NOT be returning to West Wales in the near future. If at all. In fact, we only suggest you visit there if you enjoy degenerate scum abusing you in every town. When we start the zombie apocalypse, that’s where we’ll send the zombies.

Watch the chavesty of an episode here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbjzzjP6YBY


  1. Wow 😦
    That sounds awful.
    Ridiculous that members of one sub group known for dressing a certain would heckle another.

    In reality, those kids are so insecure they probably cry themselves to sleep every night with the knowledge that they’re crap. Heckling you is the only thing that makes them feel better about themselves. Don’t be angry at them, feel pity because they’re really quite pathetic 😉

    • LOL yeah we pity them for thinking they look good dressed like that. And for being unable in communicate in words other than grunts. The worst thing is though, they were in their late twenties, early thirties. And because we look so young, they obviously believed they were abusing teenagers. Maybe they’re impotent 😉

  2. Jolly good job I wasn’t there, I might have been tempted to kick some chav ass! Honestly, how rude of them. I have to teach specimens like that at work, they’re just as small minded here and they never seem to learn. I can tell you though, they will lead miserable lives and not write great stories like you ladies do.

    • we were tempted to kick their arses too, but they were a lot bigger than us and the second group had about 9 of them, all drunk. But it was very tempting to brain them with our equipment 😀 You’re right about them leading miserable lives – none of them will go on to achieve anything other than beer guts and benefits.

  3. “….with a sharp stick” ROTFLMAO! You ladies rock! Good for you, I am sure none of them have ever heard such eloquent retorts in their lives!
    They all probably went looking for sticks after you left to see if you had been giving them a real bit of advice. We can only hope 😉

    • LOL! We can hope 😀 We’d been planning that retort round Tenby, but didn’t get to use it ’til we were in Pembroke. You’d think with all the tourists they have in Tenby, they’d be used to seeing people who are different. It’s a shame because we loved Tenby when we were kids, but if it’s filled with narrow-minded idiots, it puts us off going back.

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