Easter brainday

Aloha juicy brains! It’s been so long since I was on here last, I was worried my Necromancers had changed the password to keep me out. It’s because I write much better blogs than them and they’re worried their followers will prefer me. They’re right to be worried.

Anyhoo, Easter is coming up. For years I had to listen to my Necromancers whine about the fact there were no vegan Easter eggs. Well now there are and it’s my turn to whine. What the hell am I supposed to eat? Chocolate is bad for my digestive system. They now cater for vegans, is it so hard for them to cater for zombies too? We’re a minority group as well. They could load brains with Smarties, chocolate buttons, sweets, cram them into mugs etc. But somehow I can’t see my Easter treat being wrapped in coloured foil and put in a box with a cartoon character on it. It’s a shame. Pinky and The Brain would be a great gimmick. I feel so snubbed. Like I’m a second class citizen.  People really don’t respect the dead.

If you think about it, Easter is the time for celebrating zombieism. Jesus rose from the dead, just like I did. Are people eating chocolate brains in MY honour? No! Jesus has his own book, the Bible. I have my own book – Scott the Zombie. Just because it’s not published yet doesn’t mean I’m not important. Ok, I can’t turn bread into fishes or water into wine but I can play baseball with my own leg. Can Jesus do that? Big fat NO! And he was created by a beam of light impregnating Mary (which sounds an awful lot like the Care Bears were behind this, if you ask me) I was bitten by a zombie then struck by lightning. WE’RE THE SAME! Except he was 32, had long brown hair, a beard and a penchant for sandals whereas I’m 21, super hot and have a penchant for ripped jeans and an array of zombie slogan t-shirts. Why don’t I have public holidays and hymns sung about me? At least I have my own Facebook page and Twitter account. I appeal to the younger generation. Like Jesus, I also have enemies queuing up to kill me. And there are films about my kind, just like there’s religious films. And there’ll be a war started in my name. When Scott the Zombie Superstar musical is made, THEN you’ll believe me! Is Andrew Lloyd Webber on Twitter? We need to get the brain rolling on this.

My Necromancers have cake moulds in the shape of a bunny and a sheep. I plan to ram a brain into them so I can have a bunny shaped brain to munch on while I celebrate Zombie Sunday. Or Easter to the non trendy traditionalists. I’ll put a little brain into an egg mould, wrap it in foil, shove it in a I Love Scott the Zombie mug that my Necromancers will design and make (they will if they don’t want their brains eaten) and deliver it to the Prime Minister. Then he can start the proceedings for Zombie Sunday next year. It will happen my juicy little snack friends! Or heads will roll…then I can eat their brains!

Scott x