Advice Column

Greetings tasty brains! I’ve finally managed to wrestle this thing off my Necromancers. They put up a hell of a fight. I had to keep biting their fingers & threatening to infect them until they released it. They’ve been hogging it for their ebook. Anyone would think this was their blog. I wouldn’t mind if it was my book they were promoting, but it’s not. It’s some romance trilogy. Or horror romance. There are hearts involved. To be honest, I haven’t been paying attention. Anyhoo, I’ve got some really exciting news – I’ve been featured in Writing Magazine! March issue, page 73 in Margaret James’ Fiction Focus section. I give advice to a guy (we’ll call him Horror Writer from Sheffield) about all my online publicity ideas – my Facebook page, Twitter account & MY blog. Personally I don’t understand why my picture wasn’t printed, but then I don’t want to be mobbed in the street. It’s actually my Necromancers who are quoted, but that’s only because they emailed Margaret before I had a chance. I like Margaret. She’s such a lovely lady and my number one fan. I’ve had to promise not to eat her brain. It’s so unfair. Why do I only want to eat the people I like? I bet Freud would suspect a twisted reason behind this.

It’s given me a taste for this advice giving thing. I think I should have my own column. Nothing too big – just a national newspaper or glossy magazine will do. Say someone wrote in complaining that although they really fancy their boyfriend, he’s inconsiderate, lazy and just doesn’t appreciate her/him; I could suggest she/he remove their boyfriend’s brain and replace it with someone else’s! I could give tasty brain recipes, fashion advice – some colours just don’t work well with grey complexions – advice on how to set the perfect trap, which part of the brain works best for enhancing moods/creativity/language skills. Trust me, some of those Reans could do with enhancing their language skills – groaning is so easily lost in translation. Actually thinking about it, I might need my own magazine. But I’d happily start with an advice column. Let’s face it, if some of these celebrities can write one when their brains are nothing more than puff pastry then I stand a great chance.

Scott x