Black Christmas

Last year we were set a Facebook challenge to rewrite a Christmas song for the 12 days of Christmas. Think we ended up doing 19 and posted one a day to FB. We didn’t have time to write new ones this year so just reposted our old ones. This year we’ll share them on here too. Though we’ve fallen behind, so you’ll get three today 🙂 As we were posting Hark the Herald Angels sing about Red Bull, two Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on our door. We’re not kidding. That’ll teach us to be blasphemous 😀 Here goes:

Rudolph the Zombie Reindeer

Rudolph the Zombie Reindeer

one day bit off Santa’s nose.

And if you ever saw it,

In his face was a big hole.

All of the other reindeer

got turned into zombies too.

They were spurred on by Rudolph

and turned the elves into food.

 

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,

Santa broke the sleigh.

Rudolph gave him such a fright,

he bit Santa’s arse tonight.

 

Oh how the reindeer loved him

they worshipped him with a toast.

Rudolph the Zombie Reindeer,

made a lovely Santa roast.

 

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,

Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.

But do you recall?

The most famous reindeer of all?

 

Rudolph the Zombie Reindeer,

one day bit off Santa’s nose.

And if you ever saw it,

in his face was a big hole.

All of the other reindeer

rampaged around the North Pole.

They used to chase those poor elves,

and would swallow them whole.

 

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,

Santa had to pay.

Rudolph with macabre delight,

he cooked Santa’s brain tonight.

 

Oh how the reindeer loved him

they made a shrine with Santa’s hat.

Rudolph the Zombie Reindeer,

You rid us of that prat.

 

I wish it could be Doomsday every day

When the snowman brings the snow

Well he just might like to know

He’s put a great big smile, on some junkie’s face

If you’re tied down to your bed

With a black hood on your head

Don’t you lock the doors

You know wicked Satan Claus in on his way

 

Well I wish it could be Doomsday, every day

When the kids start screaming and the guards begins to slay

Oh, I wish it could be Doomsday, every day

Let the bells toll out for Doomsday.

 

When we’re lurking in the park

And we’re killing in the dark

Then your scarlet blood’s gonna light my merry way

Now the vampire fangs appear

And they’ve bitten off an ear

So we’ll lie by the fire

’til their blood slowly drains away

 

Well I wish it could be Doomsday, every day

When the kids start screaming and the guards begin to slay

Oh, I wish it could be Doomsday, every day

So let the bells toll out for Doomsday.

 

When the snowman brings the snow

Well he just might like to know

He’s put a great big smile on some junkie’s face

So if Satan starts to slay

All along the Slaughter Way

I’ll sign my name in blood in the snow

And then I’ll make him pay

 

Well I wish it could be Doomsday, every day

When the kids start screaming and the guards begin to slay

Oo-oh, I wish it could be Doomsday, every day

So let the bells toll out for Doomsday

 

Why don’t you give your soul for Doomsday? (written 10 yrs ago for our alternative nativity)

 

Good King Wenceslas

Good King Wenceslas dined out

On the feast of Stephen

He made sure to cook his flesh

Deep and crisp and even.

Brightly shone the knife that night

Though the cut was cruel

He felled Stephen with one bite

Used his blood for gruel.

 

“Stephen honey, come to me

You know I adore you.

I just want to kiss your neck,

I know you want it too.”

“But Wenceslas I’m scared of the

wicked fangs you’re sprouting.”

Wenceslas pounced on him,

made a crimson fountain.

 

“Bring me flesh and bring me wine,”

those words sent a shiver.

“On your precious flesh I’ll dine,

I will spare your liver.”

The King barely made a dent,

on his tasty lover,

when he started to lament

“I will eat no other!”

 

Though his mood is darker now,

His desire grows stronger.

“In my heart, I know not how,

Stephen is no longer.”

“Stephen honey, your young age,

your tender flesh so tasty,

but vampires are all the rage.

Think I was too hasty.”

 

His heart heavy so he trod

Where he’d dug a fresh grave.

He buried the poor sod.

“Stephen you were so brave.”

Therefore, cannibals, be sure

the flesh you’re possessing

if it comes from your lover,

check you have their blessing.

 

Merry Christmas! 😀 Feel free to sing them with family 😉

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