Building Bite

Hey moreish brains, Scott here! It feels like FOREVER since I last did a blog. Those bloody Necromancers of mine have been hogging it, like it’s theirs or something. Anyhoo, they’ve got the builders in at the moment as their having their loft converted. Well the rest of it anyway. One half is their gym, but they’re having an ensuite bedroom. I’m so excited. They haven’t said anything yet, but I’m certain they’re building it for ME! My very own room in the attic. Hey, wait a minute, isn’t that where the crazy people are kept? *glaring at Necromancers* They’re convinced one of the builders looks like a serial killer. They’re so paranoid they thought when he took his t-shirt off, it was so he wouldn’t get blood on it. And just because the stairs and landing are covered in plastic sheeting, does not mean they’re about to star in an episode of Dexter. I reckon they’re the ones who need an attic room. Part of me thinks I should maybe not go to their assistance if the serial killer lookalike strikes. I’ve been after their brains for quite a while now and it would save the betrayal in their eyes if I’m not the one who bludgeons them. Now that their crippling darkshines appear to have passed (for now) their brains will taste so much nicer. No-one likes chewing on heartbroken brains. You can really taste the tears. They give the brain an unpleasant salty taste then I end up miserable.

But then, if my Necromancers reach a tricksy end, my book and cookbook won’t get published. God damn it! They always manage to wriggle out of me eating them. This isn’t fair! But if I DO save them they might get round to writing that graphic novel I’ve been badgering them about. I’ve left so many hints, even helped them out by doing my own comic strip. Ok my drawings aren’t great (Tyler says they look like a five year old drew them) but you try holding a pencil when you’re dead. Ooh, a builder just walked past. Oh look, he’s alone. I’ll just…ha! Bet you never thought your wrench was dual purpose! Into the skip he goes and mmmmmm spaghetti bologbrains for lunch. Nom nom nom

Director’s Cut

We’ve just started redrafting our novel, Director’s Cut, which we haven’t looked at since May 2008, so we fully expect it to be craptastic. We usually get so caught up doing our 5 main novels that we don’t bother with all the ones we’ve written before. Plus we think they’ll need too much work, so it’s easier to stick with our favourites. But with the other 5 either off to the Yeovil Literary Prize, or having just been worked on, we were at a loss of what to do. The time between redrafting novels is hard. We want to be working on one, but also feel we need a bit of a break before diving back into another novel. We usually work on short stories, but we’ve been really listless. It doesn’t help with being whacked with a full force of the darkshines. Usually we write and escape out of our heads, locking the darkshines behind their dungeon door, but ‘cos we’ve been in between novels, the darkshines broke out and have been tormenting our mental asylums unshackled.

Hence redrafting a potentially craptastic novel from 3 years ago. Though we’re not sure a book about a serial killer is the best way to silence the demons, but it’s better than reading Mills and Boon. (Don’t ask.) We can’t remember when we first started writing Director’s Cut, but it was probably about ten years ago and it’s changed a lot since then. It started out being told in first person POV but during the last redraft, we changed it to third person POV told from a camera’s perspective, which gives it the right amount of emotional detachment to match the anti-hero’s. Except after reading the first chapter, we realised we gave the camera emotion and thoughts, so we’ve been taking that out. It’s a dark book, with some inventive ways of killing people. We really dived into the creative treasure chest to think up unusual methods of killing. One body disposal involves a cheese grater…we’ve never been able to look at one in the same way again 😀

Final Draft

The final edited version of The Ferryman has now been sent back to the publisher 🙂 We’ve had a lot of fun working with an editor for the very first time. It made us feel like proper writers instead of enthusiastic amateurs. With the help our our editor, we managed to solve the problem of the two distinct voices. First we tried rewriting it in third person, but we all agreed it wasn’t as good as the first person POV, so in the end, our editor, Manny, came up with a solution to fade out the flippant narrative towards the end, but also add humour to the darkly descriptive narrative in the beginning. We also rewrote the weak ending and came up with a much better ending, which was inspired by Dante’s nine circles of Hell. Or in The Ferryman’s case – train stations. We’d also given the edited version to our mum to see what she suggested. Funnily enough, her suggestions were the same as Manny’s. So it’s great knowing that our mum’s editing skills are fully up to scratch. Most people recommend that you don’t let family critique your work because they’ll just praise it. Luckily our mum’s not like that. She gives good, honest criticism. Sometimes we don’t want to hear it and yes we have the odd strop about it, but that’s probably when the Red Bull’s worn off. But at least we know that when she praises it, it means it is actually good. We don’t know when The Ferryman will be published in Dark Moon Digest, but we will let you know.

Our Submission Mission took a hit in July – we didn’t send anything off 😦 but we were 6 pieces ahead so it hasn’t damaged the mission. But we still need to get this train wreck back on track. We sent off one our favourite stories, Death’s Cold Kiss to The Short Story competition yesterday, so we’re keeping our talons crossed. It was one of the first short stories we ever wrote and it keeps getting shortlisted, but never gets published. It’s changed a lot since we first wrote it. It’s still the same story, just better, with more original ideas and more rounded characters. So hopefully this time will be its time in the limelight.

Choc Lit

Have started working on the proposed changes to The Ferryman that the editor from Dark Moon Digest has suggested. We’ve rewritten the ending, cut some words and are now frantically drinking a giant can of Red Bull whilst staring helplessly at the screen. Though we do get to use the highlighter tool, so our work looks all pretty, like a scribbled on rainbow.  The problem we’re having is there is two different narrative voices in the story. It’s told from first person POV so Hayden’s voice is comic but we’ve included dark, descriptive narrative as well. This reflects our paradoxical nature and it comes out in our stories. If we remove the descriptive narrative the dark tone of the story vanishes but if we remove the comic narrative, Hayden’s personality and ‘voice’ will go. *Groaning and mashing faces on keyboard* Really don’t know what to do about this. It’s our first experience of working with an editor. We considered changing the narrative into third person but feel that will diminish Hayden’s character. We almost always write in first person because we like to be inside the character, like crazed puppeteers. Maybe a packet of Vegan Smarties will help. Probably not but hell they taste good.

Ok. One packet of Smarties and a giant Red Bull later…it’s time to give the iguana his daily bath. Might try third person. We’ve got to keep ourselves amused or we get mischievous. There’s only so many weird, made up courses and languages we can add to our FB profile at University of World Domination.vegan chocolates!