Zombie match.com

Hey exquisite brains, it’s Scott here. I’m feeling lonely ‘cos my Necromancers have abandoned me to work on their ghost novel, Raising the Dead. They know how I feel about ghosts – they’re wanabes. I wanted to live so much, I forced my dead body to continue. But they have submitted my short story & novel, so I can’t very well bash their skulls in and have a tasty two course meal. It would look…unreasonable.

I have a new mission – to start up a dating site for zombies. My Necromancers friend, Mitch White, posted a video to them on Facebook, about two zombies falling in love over the innards of her dead husband. Then he gives her a beating heart in a heart shaped box and teachers her to wield a spade. My problem is that I’m the only functioning zombie & the reans (reanimated dead) are just, well…dead. They groan, bits fall off and they stink. Plus you can’t get a decent conversation out of them. I think if people gave zombies a chance, they’d realise what great partners they make. Since I died, I no longer rate people on their looks, just the beauty of their brain. I also have no preference – male or female brains all taste delicious to me. I will never die, so will never leave you heartbroken. I will also never eat all your food or cheat on you – let’s face it, I’m not exactly beating off admirers with my brain saw.

Though there is a downside to dating zombies – bits fall off, or just don’t work. Some of them smell. I don’t, but that’s cos I follow a rigorous routine of cleansing, toning, moisturising & a stringent dental routine. I could never take you to a restaurant, because my food isn’t on the menu. And I can’t die. So there goes your plan of bumping me off for the life insurance.

So if you weigh up the pros and cons, you’ll see dating zombies is the new dating footballers 🙂 I could be the new romantic hero of teenage fiction. If girls worry about introducing a vampire to the family, wait ’til they bring me home 😀

Scott x

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