All I Want for Christmas is Brains

hello happy, healthy brains! Merry Christmas! It’s Scott. I’ve managed to wrestle this off my Bah Humbug Necromancers by hypnotising them with a dangling Red Bull can. That shouldn’t have worked, but who I am to argue with science? I hope everyone’s having fun in the snow. I was until when I was making a snowman, Tyler threw a snowball at me and knocked my eye out. He then put it in the snowman. I slapped him and took it back. Now my eye socket’s cold. Then he knocked me over and when I was down, covered me in snow and held a fake funeral. By the time I dug myself free, it was dark and he’d gone home. I’m so melting his snowballs when I get hold of him.

I’m so excited about Christmas! It’s only my second since becoming a zombie and well, let’s face it, the first one I was still in my adjusting phase so I wasn’t in complete control of myself. Tyler refuses to talk about those days and I don’t remember them too well. They can’t have been that bad. This year, I’m joining in the Christmas meal. Well, I have the pudding planned. My mouth’s watering just thinking about it. I’m going to get a brain, cook it then stuff it with fruit and coins, cover it in brandy & put a sprig of holly on top. Oh & set it on fire. Except I’m terrified of fire. Ok, maybe I won’t set it on fire. But here’s the best bit! To keep in the festive mood, I’m gonna get the brain of Santa! I know what you’re thinking – I’m a genius. That’s not the word Tyler used. In fact he used a string of words I’m not repeating on here, ending with “that’s a terrible idea.” I’ve never had a terrible idea. Yes, most of them don’t end well, but that doesn’t mean the idea was bad, just the execution. And the people involved, screwing it up. This plan’s foolproof. I’m gonna rig up fairy lights into a loop and leave it by a plate of mince pies and sherry. Then when Santa steps in…up he goes like a delicious Christmas decoration.

Ooh, just a word of warning. While Christmas is a time for you living people to overindulge in food and drink, I tend to starve. Mostly because all that food, lack of exercise, drink and mind numbing TV does horrible things to your brains, taste-wise. It’s like eating the wrapping paper and boxes the presents comes in. I have to survive on cans of Zombie energy drink until well past the New Year. So as it’s the season of goodwill and giving, remember that while you stuff in that mince pie you don’t really need, there’s a starving zombie out there, desperate for a meal of creative, active, healthy brain. So put down that remote and pick up your exercise gear and come running into my path. If you only do one good deed this Christmas, let it be feeding the hungry zombies.

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