Black Xmas

We’ve finally submitted our black comedy novel, Majesty of Darkness to the Pratchett Prize. We don’t usually get nervous when submitting work but for some reason, we were nervous about this. Perhaps because we really want the novel to do well. We’ll be thrilled if it gets shortlisted. We love Pratchett’s Death character and really hope he likes ours, The Collector. Though unlike Pratchett’s Death, The Collector doesn’t have an ounce of professionalism or sympathy in his bony body. The Collector also stalks celebrities and has an incurable addcition to pear drops. We’ll find out March 31st if it’s shortlisted, so as always, we’re keeping our talons crossed.

We usually avoid Christmas like the plague & have boycotted it since we were 18, but this year, spurred on by our FB friends, we’ve decided to participate a little. By rewriting Christmas songs in our own style. So Good King Wenceslas is about a cannibal, Winter Wonderland is about murder, We Three Kings of Orient Are is about thieves and Jingle Bells is about kidnapping Wentworth Miller. We’re posting one a day to our Facebook page. We love rewriting lyrics & it usually comes without a lot of effort. We’ve rewritten several songs about Red Bull. Songs as diverse as ‘Always’ by Bon Jovi & ‘Blood’ by My Chemical Romance. We also rewrote MCR’S ‘You Know What they do to Guys Like us in Prison’ about kidnapping Wentworth Miller. Hmm, sensing a theme here…

To be kind, as it’s the season of giving and all that, here’s one we wrote earlier 🙂

Winter Murderland

Death tolls ring, are you listening?/In the lane, blood is glistening,/a macabre sight,/we’re frightened tonight,/walking in a winter murderland./Gone away, are the good souls,/here to stay, are the bad souls./We sing a rock song,/as we go along,/walking in a winter murderland./In the graveyard we can build a snowman,/then pretend that he killed Parson Brown./He’ll say “is he dead yet?”/We’ll say “no man,/but you can do the job/when you’re in town.”/Later on, we’ll conspire,/to execute him by fire./To face unafraid,/the plots that we’ve made,/walking in a winter murderland./In the graveyard we can build a snowman,/and pretend he killed a circus clown./We’ll have lots of fun with mister snowman,/until the judge demands to “send him down!”/When he kills, ain’t it thrilling?/Though your soul gets a chilling./We’ll frolic and play, the murderous way,/walking in the winter murderland.

Hope you enjoyed that 😉