Coffin Dodger

Hey, Scott here. I managed to get out of the freezer. It gets so boring in there. I did the old ‘pretending to be dead’ trick until my necromancers panicked and opened the freezer then I leapt out like a jack in the box and skedaddled. Well, I tripped and rolled really fast. It was embarrassing having to ask them to help me back up but I can’t get up when I’m down. Tyler says I look like a flailing upturned beetle. I don’t flail. Once I was up I legged it. Ok so I can’t run that fast and it looks like I’ve got a stone in my shoe but I just shout ‘don’t make me eat your brains!’ and this usually stops them chasing me.

I’ve been having some adventures lately, killing vampires. Let me tell you, vampire brains don’t taste great. Wine is meant to be drunk when it’s really old but brains are a different matter. It’s like eating a stale biscuit you found down the side of the settee. Anyway, I’m pretty sure my fighting skills are improving and I’m coming out with some great one liners. I reckon I’m days away from clinching a comic deal. How’s this for a moniker – Scott the Zombie. The problem is picking an outfit that hasn’t been done. No living dead corpse would look good in spandex and a cape would just get in the way. I would MELT in leather, which would increase my decomposition rate. At the moment my look seems to be ripped jeans and a variety of zombie t-shirts, such as I ♥ Zombies, Pleased to meet you going to eat you, I want your brains not your body (which has a blood filled brain on it). If anyone’s interested in copying my look, Kreepsville 666 do a wonderful range of zombie t-shirts. My necromancers have ordered some. Not that they’re totally obsessed with zombies or anything. I wondered about having a mask but I WANT people knowing I’m a superhero. I want them whispering ‘that’s Scott the Zombie’ when I go past. I want kids posing for photos with me, girls getting me to sign their t-shirts, guys dressing like me. I want action figures, a film, merchandise, Scott the Zombie cuddly toys. Tyler keeps telling me no-one would worship a dead guy. I disagree. Everyone loves Elvis.