Dead Sexy

Hey, it’s Scott again. I managed to snatch this thing off Ethan. He growled but I distracted him with a toy mouse. Heh heh. I never thought being a zombie would be so exciting. I fully recommend it to anyone. As long as you can put up with sleeping in a freezer, having to catch your own food and your best friend constantly spraying you with Lynx Recover. (The tagline on the back of the bottle said ‘bring yourself back to life.’ I’ve never been more duped by a product) ­čśŽ

Well, our arch enemies, Duncan and his werewolf companion Perish have been busy trying to wipe us off the earth. Tyler got run down, Ethan and I tracked Duncan and Perish to a country hotel (being supernatural assassins must pay well) then a fight broke out when our silver stake trap was an epic fail. I’m not the best fighter in the world and when I get knocked down I can’t get back up again, but I managed to get some punches in. Then we took the fight outside, where Ethan and Perish morphed to their werepanther and werewolf forms and fought on the golf course. It was the first time golf had seemed remotely appealing to me. I tried fighting Duncan and his blades and┬ábecame a zombie kebab, which was very embarrassing.

Then, the worst thing happened. After my funeral director friend, Mort, patched me up and embalmed me, he kindly gave me the brain of one of his customers. I like creative people because it means when I eat their brains, I absorb their talents. Whilst this brain wasn’t creative (in fact he was so dull he made paint drying look like an extreme sport), his human had died of a heart attack. In the middle of making love. So all his unspent…passion passed on to me. A randy zombie is not something anyone wants to encounter. My poor friends. I turned into a one zombie sexual harrasment suit. I’ve embarrassed myself a lot since becoming a zombie but groping and tonguing my friends is definitely up there at the top. Poor Tyler. I think he’s still having nightmares.

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