Thoughts of a Dying Atheist

Hey living people, it’s Scott. What a week it’s been! I’ve eaten a colleague, been on a talk show, been chased by a werewolf and her human protector, (who chopped off my arm) lost a finger at work & now I’m going to feature in a zombie photoshoot in Kansas! Jason, a Facebook friend of my Necromancers (C L Raven) has been so inspired by my incredible tale, he’s going to feature ME in his zombie photoshoot for his horror modelling group. My Necromancers have been giving him my particulars so he can find the perfect model for me. Unfortunately I can’t go to the shoot myself, but I bet he picks a total slamming hotty to play me.

Speaking of Facebook, my page now has 33 fans. I update it every day with extracts from the chapters my Necromancers have completed & also tell funny tales of what happens to me as I go about my afterdeath. I reckon my life’s got more exciting since becoming a zombie. I wouldn’t recommend the lifestyle to anyone (being embalmed isn’t a barrel of laughs) but I’ve finally got a quirk that makes me different to everyone else. Of course there are downsides – I had to quit my job as a fireman after developing a sudden phobia to flames, I have to sleep in a freezer, I can’t get dates & I smell, but who else can throw themselves out of a hotel window & survive? Or play baseball with their own leg? The eating brain thing takes a while to get used to, but I find the brains of creative people have a better taste. They have unique flavours & textures. I’ve tried the brains of airheads & believe me, never again. There was so much air it was like eating puff pastry. One brain I would LOVE to try is my best mate, Tyler’s. He’s the greatest person in the world and I know his brain would be the most delicious I’ve ever tasted. But there are rules about not eating your best mate. Once that line’s crossed, we can’t come back from it. It would ruin our friendship forever.

It’s getting so hard to resist…