Rejects’ Convention

Breaking news. Just had another short story, The Eden Project rejected by Bridgehouse for their open anthology. No, it’s not a story about plants in giant wasp hives. One of these days the breaking news will be that we’ve had something published but as we gallop towards the fourth month of the year and no publications, our target of twelve is looking as shaky as David Cameron’s performance when questioned about gay rights. Were we the only ones laughing at that? He was about as smooth as being dragged across rough terrain while hog tied behind a jet ski. Sorry, still wiping tears of laughter from our eyes. If that man can’t answer some simple questions without contradicting himself, how’s he gonna lead the country? If we gets into power, we’re campaigning for Welsh independence. Personally, we don’t want him in power. One, because he has a face we want to punch and two because he wants to repeal the Hunting Act, because ‘it doesn’t work’. You could argue that neither do the Burglary Act, the Homicide Act and any other act, ‘cos let’s face it, those crimes still go on. But maybe we should repeal the Hunting Act and instead of chasing down foxes and tearing them apart, we should hunt Tories. Maybe they won’t think it’s such fun when they’ve got a pack of hounds chasing them. We’ll even break with our black tradition and don red jackets. Anyway, we’re still awaiting the fate of our other pieces of work flying the flag for Team Raven. Speaking of Team Raven, you have until Friday to nominate us for a blog award. If you only vote for one thing this year, vote for us. We don’t have a slick manifesto, a great track record, or photos of us kissing babies. We can’t promise you good times, or that we’ll change the world, but we might annoy a few literary greats. Speaking of which, we saw Paul Magrs’ name on the blog nominations list. This isn’t good news for Team Raven. Has anyone read his books about Brenda, Frankenstein’s Monster’s wife? They’re brilliant. We’ve got the first three and will get the fourth one, Hell’s Belles. It’s out April 1st. When we saw his name on the list, we knew it was over for our bid to win, but he’ll be put into the published author category and epic failures that we are will be in the unpublished category if we survive to the next round. So if you play one prank this April Fools’ Day, vote for us. It’ll make the Blog Awards people (and the nation) laugh. Speaking of April 1st, our mate Neil is considering plucking up the courage to do a poetry reading in the Chapter Arts Centre in Cardiff on Thurs. We’ll be going to watch and maybe we’ll participate next month. Went to have a recce of the place last night as we’ve never been there. Naturally we got lost, as is our way. Thing is, we even knew where we were going and had a map. It’s not our fault the building got up and ran off when we got near. We eventually found it by accident. Wow. Did not expect such a posh place to be smack in the middle of Canton. No offence, Canton, but we were expecting just a plain brick building, but it’s all brick, glass and sliding doors. They’re gonna take one look at us and toss our sorry arses out then stick our mugshots up so we never darken their door again. Many people have tried.

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